MaeWidget

5 Things I Love

On the bus ride home, my friend Liz came up with this game and me, her, Kinnari, and Alex all came up with five things we loved. We decided to do it every day and I think it's a good idea, especially on a bad day.
Mine for today were very general since it was our first time around but I think they will become more specific as we go along.
1. Music
2. Writing
3. Knowledge
4. Love
5. Possibilities
I'm going to write them down here so I don't ever forget.

Fa-reaky Dreams

There's really nothing going on in my life that is either interesting or exciting to write about, so I'm going to talk about my dreams. I had some pretty strange ones this weekend, and I noticed that my bizarre dreams always occur on weekends. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I sleep more or my mind isn't as jumbled on weekends so I remember my dreams when I wake up...I don't know. There could be another reason or there could not be a reason at all.

Anyway, on Friday night I had a dream that I took a plane to Michigan to visit Amber. I must have taken a taxi from the airport to her house because no one in my family was with me. It was summer because I had a t-shirt on and no jacket, and it just felt like summer. Amber was in her backyard making lemonade on a glass table, and she was wearing jeans and that black Jack's shirt we both have. Everything got blurry for a minute because I don't remember greeting her or anything. The next thing I remember is sitting in Amber's backyard drinking lemonade when her mom pulled up to the side of the road in her van. I don't remember what she looked like. She told us to get in the car because we were going somewhere, but there were multiple fences between the yard and the side of the road, all of them different heights. I thought we were going to walk around front or something, but Amber started jumping over the fences like it was nothing. She even did a backflip over one of them, which amazed me at the time, but now when I get the image in my head I giggle a little. So I sort of did some lame hops over the fences and got in the van. Amber got in the driver's seat and her mom moved to the back, where my sister was also sitting. She definitely hadn't been on the plane with me, so I have no idea how she got there, but she was there. I sat on the right, my sister was in the middle, and Amber's mom was all the way on the left. I still couldn't see what she looked like because my sister was blocking the view and all I could see was her right leg. She was wearing white jeans. That's all I know. Also, in my dream, Amber had a little brother who was nine or ten years old and looked exactly like my friend's little brother did when he was that age. He was surprisingly chipper, compared to Amber, and he insisted on explaining the importance of a seatbelt and buckling mine because apparently I am incompetent of doing so myself. We were riding down a highway with a lot of billboards when my cell phone rang, and it was my mom. She asked me where I was and I replied, "I'm in Michigan visiting Amber!" She said, "Okay, call me when you're coming home," which is not like her because she would flip a shit if I flew to another state without telling her. She would flip a shit if I crossed the street without telling her, but in my dream she was alright with it. We went to a carnival type thing where we did...some game I forget...and then bumper cars, where this kid with a glowing gas mask chased us out. Amber and I were laughing because it was a joke, but my sister freaked out so bad that she couldn't unbuckle her seatbelt and was stuck in her bumper car. The boy with the gas mask was carrying a tank that was emitting a fog, so I couldn't see what happened to my sister after we ran. He looked like Wybie from Coraline, which makes a lot of sense considering I saw that movie a few hours before I went to sleep.

Amber and I bought cotton candy, even though I don't like cotton candy, and we were going to walk to the movies, but I woke up.

FYI, this is what Wybie looks like. He actually had a gas mask type thing in the movie, but I couldn't find a picture that included it.

That's about it for Friday night.

Last night, my dream revolved mainly around the plot line of Stephen King's Desperation. There was something killing people very fast...and I don't know if it was a person or a natural disaster type thing...which I guess would make it more like The Day After Tomorrow. The atmosphere was desert-like, though, which made it seem more like Desperation. I don't mean that I was in a desert. I don't really know where I was, actually, but I'm just saying that the dream as a whole had a desert feel to it. Anyway, there wasn't any gore in my dream, but I knew my family was dead. It was just one of those things I knew without knowing how I knew it. I was alone and wishing someone was with me, and eventually I found a group of people I recognized. I can't name them because I don't remember what they looked like, but they brought me to a safehouse or something of the sort, where we stayed for a few days, waiting for something I don't know about to die down or stop. After a few days, another group of people was found, and they were my friends. To name a few off the top of my head, I recognized Mark, Sam Mott (even though I'm not friends with her...), Raksha, Amisha, and so on. Marisa wasn't there so I looked for Kinnari. She wasn't with any of the groups in the makeshift shelter, and I started to panic. I asked Mark where she was and he told me she was killed. Not even that she died, but that she was killed by something. He didn't get into specifics because I guess he thought I didn't want to hear them, but my mind was running wild and producing images of her being eaten by a gigantic spider and other gruesome things. I started crying because I was starting to get the feeling that everyone close to me was dead, and I would spend the rest of my life alone. Raksha noticed how upset I was and said, "Well only Kinnari died. Everyone else is still here."

Then I woke up.

There Goes My Friday Night

I was supposed to see Coraline tomorrow night with the Donenfelds, but apparently Marisa isn't coming anymore because she has plans, even though she knew she was seeing this movie with me on opening night since the day we saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. But she decided she didn't want go and made other plans instead, without even telling me. She left it up to my mother to tell me 24 hours before the movie that she doesn't want to come and I'm stuck with Katie and my bitch of a sister. Yay? I'm still going because I want to see the movie, but this was just proof that I invest too much of myself in other people. I value them too much, and it comes as a painful shock every time I realize they don't value me as much. I'm sure Marisa doesn't mean to hurt me or anything, but she does it all the same.
And I would see the worst movie in the world if she wanted me to go see it with her.

There's not much else I have to say... Nothing out of the ordinary is going on in my life, which is alright but horribly monotonous and boring. Every day is the same schedule, the same thing...
That's why I need summer, or something to break this. During the summer, I do everything on impulse to make up for strict schedule from the past ten months.

I finished reading American Psycho and I need to get down the quotes I liked, but I need to re-find them first. I should have marked them with sticky notes or something, but I don't have the time nor do I feel like going back at this moment. Maybe tomorrow.

Oh, and I get my Outsiders DVD back in four days.
But who's counting, right?

WHAT WHAT WHAT

JACK'S TOUR DATES.
OHMYGOD.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
THERE ARE NO CONNECTICUT DATES BUT THE CLOSEST ONE IS MASSACHUSETTS WHICH ISN'T VERY FAR I MEAN I'VE BEEN THERE FOR SHOWS BEFORE. SO IT'S OKAY. AND IT'S ON A FRIDAY WHICH IS NOT AS BAD AS A WEEKDAY BUT NOT AS GOOD A WEEKEND BUT I CAN DEAL WITH IT. SO ANYWAY I'M SCARED TO EVEN BROACH THE TOPIC WITH MY PARENTS BECAUSE THEY WON'T EVEN GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER ABOUT BAMBOOZLE AND I ASKED THEM ABOUT THAT IN NOVEMBER. I BET THEY'LL SAY NO BECAUSE MY MOM HATES ME FOR NOT WANTING TO PLAY SOFTBALL AND MY DAD HATES MY MOM AND ME FOR PUSHING TOO HARD WITH ACADEMICS AND SO IT'S ONE A TRIANGLE OF HATRED BETWEEN THE THREE OF US. THEY FEEL NO OBLIGATION OR ANYTHING SO I KNOW I SHOULDN'T FEEL EXCITED BUT I AM ANYWAY.
EORFJEWIGHEWIGHIRHGGR.

RIP Donna Festa

I can't tell you how horrible I feel for forgetting about this. How could I forget what happened last year on February 2nd? Why didn't I realize that this was the reason Katie was absent today? Gosh. Today I was freaking out because I left my iPod in my gym locker and I had to run back and risk being late for my next class to get it. I was freaking out because the groundhog apparently saw his shadow, meaning six more weeks of winter, and I started getting nervous about my biology quiz tomorrow. For the first time in a month or two I was feeling really depressed about Tyler, the kind of depressed where you chest feels like there's a boulder inside of it and you can't focus your mind on anything because it always wanders back to the thing that's making you depressed.
I was feeling all of that, and then I realized what today was, and now I feel stupid for remotely caring about my iPod or a groundhog or the biology quiz. Last year, one of my best friends from elementary school, her mom was killed in a car accident. The one I had been best friends with, Katie, she was sleeping over a friend's house, and her younger sister, mother, and father were taking their dogs to an appointment. While stopped at a red light at an intersection, they were hit by a truck driving about 90 miles per hour. Donna Festa died almost immediately, and the younger sister had a concussion and broke everything below her lower back. My family was one of the first to find out because one of my dad's best friends, who is a fireman, was called to the scene. I knew what he meant when he said, "I don't think Donna made it," but my mind wasn't comprehending it. I wasn't feeling anything until I turned on the news at 6 and saw their Jeep, absolutely and completely crushed, on the side of the road. Even then, I couldn't cry. I don't understand why, but I still wasn't feeling much.
Until the wake.
I was nervous because I have a fear of opening up in public, and I didn't want to cry. I did alright, keeping composure, even as we passed the posterboards covered with pictures of Donna. I was okay when I shook Pat Festa's hand, and okay with all the other relatives, and I thought I would be alright when I got to Katie. We hadn't talked in a long time so I didn't know what to say, and when someone loses their mother so unexpectedly, "I'm sorry for your loss" doesn't even begin to cover it. I almost opened my mouth to say something along those lines, but out of nowhere she hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe, and we sobbed together. I don't remember starting to cry, I just remember pulling away and realizing I was bawling. I don't remember much after that except for sitting in one of the chairs and asking my mother when we could leave. I don't remember the funeral either, except that Liz Tillman ran up to me, crying, in the parking lot, and we sobbed some more, hugging each other.
I cannot believe I almost forget what today meant.
Studying for biology seems so insignificant at this moment.

Aha! A Sign!

Not onlyyyy is it the first day of February, my friends, but it was also...

*drum roll pleeeease*

47 DEGREES OUTSIDE!

Ohmygod, it was so nice. For once I didn't have to bundle up like a goddamn eskimo when I left the house. It was so great, I can't even begin to explain. While my mom and I were in the car, she turned the heat off and rolled the window down a little bit. It wasn't much, but it's something! It's a start! A sign, possibly? Can this be a sign? Maybe winter is just going to cut itself short this year, honest & sincere thanks to global warming, and it's going to be warm from now on! That would so great. I think I would have a party in honor of it. A big party with friends and dancing and Jason Mraz music.

YES.

I've been listening to Jason Mraz all day because he is my summer music, my summer man, everything I love about the sunny seasons.

How can you not be charmed by that man?

That's what I call class.