I really don't know what to write about, but I feel like I need to write. Usually I come here, start typing, and I wind up writing a lot, but it's not working for me since my last post. I think it's because I have/had five days off from school, so I basically shut down and stopped doing anything except reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Oh, and celebrating Thanksgiving. But on Thanksgiving, all I did was read anyway. I finished The Truth About Forever and started This Lullaby. My family is extremely loud in general, and when they're all talking at the same time, it gets almost unbearable, but somehow I was able to focus.
So I guess this blog is just about what's been going on in the past few days. Aside from Thanksgiving, I had a sort of blowout with a close friend. At the beginning of this week, she found out that this guy named Alan likes her, and she doesn't like him back. First of all, she's supposed to like this guy named Ryan, or so she tells me. The reason she broke up with her boyfriend is because she said she "used him to get over Ryan, and I don't love Ryan, but still, it's not fair." So she is all squirmish around Alan. Then, the next day, she is talking to my sister online and telling her how she is upset because apparently she liked Alan for weeks now but when she confronted him about it, he said he didn't like her as anything more than a friend. Hmm, so we're close friends? Thanks for not telling me that, honey. I'm tired of the "I thought you would get mad" excuse, because when you get right down to it, the two of us have no real friendship, I have some issue with myself, where I can't tell her anything I'm feeling or thinking, and obviously she can't tell me anything either. All we talk about is Tyler or Jack's Mannequin, because we have nothing else to talk about. Or she'll tell me some stupid marching band story and I'll tell her some random story and neither of us are really listening, but we just keep talking and going on like this. Ever since we went from casual school friends to close, almost best friends, we've had conflicts. A lot of them. Every few months it happens. And it's usually over something dumb and we stop talking and spending time together. Eventually everything heals up, but we never solve the problem, we put it behind us, which unfortunately means it's not really solved. I'm done with her. I really am. I told her that, and while she's across the goddamn country in California, she texts my sister asking if I'm still mad at her. Okay, so that's considerate, I guess. She's across the country and she's thinking about me. But then when my sister explains what's going on, and how I don't want to deal with her anymore, she says, "Well we'll just talk when I get back."
...
The point of this was so that I don't have to talk to you when you get back. Do you know why? Because then we'll forget about it, and the cycle will start over again. She kept saying how she wasn't going to let this go, like I don't have the ability to cut something off on my own and make a decision. She keeps saying how it's ridiculous I hate her all of a sudden (which I don't, but I did spring this on her). I explained to her how I felt about the situation and she keeps clinging. Then she says, "I'm not letting her ruin my trip."
...You're the one who texted my sister.
"Tell Laura I laughed and said goodbye."
Oh, so now this is a joke to you? Five minutes ago you were freaking out. Good one.
SO in other news, I saw Twilight again with my mother because she wanted to see it. Before the movie started I told her this book is the reason I am so screwed up with boys. Ever since reading it years ago, at a very young age, all the boys seemed immature and incompetent. No one was my Edward Cullen. I mean, sure, there were attractive guys, but they were nothing special. They were too goofy and didn't care enough. I could never find someone I could really love, and when I did, it turned out badly. (Side note: I almost thought I left Tyler behind and then a picture of him comes up on my Facebook home page today and all my barriers fell. So much for that.)
So now my mother understands my problem, but I'm going to continue having problems if I'm only accepting my Edward Cullen. I'll have to lower my standards and settle for less, apparently.
As if God wanted to prove my point about guys my age (I decided to use those two words because, Arthur, if you're reading this, you are completely excluded. None of this is towards you. You're not one of these kinds of guys cos, well, you're just too great.) behind immature and aggravating, five minutes before the movie starts, this group of people comes in. It looked like a mother and her daughter and son, but the son didn't want to be dragged to this movie alone, so he brought, oh say, four friends. The whole goddamn theater is empty and they decide to sit next to me. Great. They mocked it before the movie, saying in girlish voices, "Ohmygawd guys, I've been waiting to see Edward's sexy body for sooo longgg nowww...I can't believe it's finally here." Really. shut the fuck up, boys. You're only making me lose more faith in you. They continued throughout the whole movie, and not to mention this guy next to me, his goddamn elbow was in my personal bubble. I was ready to smack someone.
BUT about the movie, I liked it more the second time. I was able to take it more seriously, although the awkward and funny-when-they're-not-supposed-to-be parts were still sort of visible. I think they always will be, I'll just be able to look beyond that and recognize that it's not a horrible film at all.
It's honestly almost depressing. Just like the book, the movie made me want my Edward Cullen. I loved that he wasn't there just to see how far he could go with Bella and all, I loved that he was so devoted to her. I loved that they could just talk about each other, find out more about each other, and it was alright. You don't always have to be doing something exciting with someone to enjoy their company. It makes me depressed because sometimes I doubt there's anyone out there like that. For me, at least.
The music in the movie is pretty great too. I put the soundtrack on my Christmas list and listened to most of the songs on YouTube. "Eyes On Fire" by The Blue Foundation and "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine really got to me. The Iron & Wine song made me cry. Just the way the lyric, "Have I found you?" sounds, I could die of sorrow when I hear it. I like the Paramore songs a lot too, which is a pleasant surprise, considering I'm not a major fan of them anymore. It seems like the whole album has so much emotion.
And before I post this, heeeere is a shout out to Amber, who I had a pleasant two and a half hour phone conversation with tonight. I really do wish you lived closer. It's really sad. Then we could have freaked out over Emmett Cullen creepin' on us together. :)
I guess this post wasn't such a blank after all.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Yay For Thanksgiving
Not that I really like Thanksgiving anyway.
Not that's it even Thanksgiving yet.
It's just, I'm off from school until Monday now, and my house is set up for Thursday, so I'm ready for it. I like Thanksgiving but not because of the holiday itself...if that makes any sense. I like it because it's a short break from school, and my whole house changes. We have the family over our house on Thanksgiving and the kitchen table is moved next to the dining room table. Both of those are set up with fancy plates and glasses, and we take another table from the garage and move it into the place where the kitchen table used to be. I don't know why, but I like that. It's still the same house, but it has a different feel. I like the anticipation of waiting for company or waiting for a holiday to arrive. It's almost half the fun of the event itself.
I love the way my house feels afterwards, too. During the get together, everyone is loud (I mean, my family is Italian, we get pretty loud) and a little drunk. The football game is always on the television with the volume turned up too high because all the loud talking and lack of decent hearing in the older family members makes it impossible to hear. Everything is chaos, but it's a good sort of chaos, because there's nothing stressful about it. But once everyone leaves, it's like the whole house is taking this sigh of relief. My house still feels crowded even though it's empty and quiet, aside from the shuffling of my parents from room to room. It's the best time to watch a good movie and eat leftovers. Hahah.
On a random side note, I'm coughing my lungs up. I feel better, and my cold is going away for the MOST part, but the cough is sticking. My throat is just kind of tickly, and that's the worst.
And another random side note, I think everyone needs to go find tonight's episode of House and watch it. That is some intense shit right there. I was yelling at my television.
Not that's it even Thanksgiving yet.
It's just, I'm off from school until Monday now, and my house is set up for Thursday, so I'm ready for it. I like Thanksgiving but not because of the holiday itself...if that makes any sense. I like it because it's a short break from school, and my whole house changes. We have the family over our house on Thanksgiving and the kitchen table is moved next to the dining room table. Both of those are set up with fancy plates and glasses, and we take another table from the garage and move it into the place where the kitchen table used to be. I don't know why, but I like that. It's still the same house, but it has a different feel. I like the anticipation of waiting for company or waiting for a holiday to arrive. It's almost half the fun of the event itself.
I love the way my house feels afterwards, too. During the get together, everyone is loud (I mean, my family is Italian, we get pretty loud) and a little drunk. The football game is always on the television with the volume turned up too high because all the loud talking and lack of decent hearing in the older family members makes it impossible to hear. Everything is chaos, but it's a good sort of chaos, because there's nothing stressful about it. But once everyone leaves, it's like the whole house is taking this sigh of relief. My house still feels crowded even though it's empty and quiet, aside from the shuffling of my parents from room to room. It's the best time to watch a good movie and eat leftovers. Hahah.
On a random side note, I'm coughing my lungs up. I feel better, and my cold is going away for the MOST part, but the cough is sticking. My throat is just kind of tickly, and that's the worst.
And another random side note, I think everyone needs to go find tonight's episode of House and watch it. That is some intense shit right there. I was yelling at my television.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Flashback
This is reminding me of the first post I ever made in this blog. It's a Sunday afternoon, and I can't focus on ANYTHING. I have to read about goddamn cell membranes for biology, read more for insights, study for three tests, and then watch the news at 6:30. It's because we're having a quiz in insights and the three extra credit questions are always on the news. I tried doing my biology homework last night, and that didn't work. Lately I've felt tired all the time, so basically I sat around last night and watched movies. This is why I hate being sick. I'm not the kind of person that can sit around all day and get nothing done. I need to be somewhat productive. I need to be doing something. Being sick usually prevents me from doing anything. Chaining myself to a couch or bed is torturous.
Now I can't even remember what I came here to talk about.
I don't know.
Random, but today I watched 27 Dresses because it was on TV and there was nothing else decent on. I didn't want to watch it, really. I had it on while I was eating lunch, but it was actually good. I was surprised I enjoyed it. It was predictable, but that didn't take away from its charm.
...
This isn't working.
I need to get something done.
Now I can't even remember what I came here to talk about.
I don't know.
Random, but today I watched 27 Dresses because it was on TV and there was nothing else decent on. I didn't want to watch it, really. I had it on while I was eating lunch, but it was actually good. I was surprised I enjoyed it. It was predictable, but that didn't take away from its charm.
...
This isn't working.
I need to get something done.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Yes I Am Going to Talk About Twilight. SUCK IT.
So I saw Twilight earlier tonight. For background information on my history with the series, I received Twilight four Christmases ago, in a Gap box. My parents always did that sort of thing, so I never knew when they got me a book. It never worked because I ended up rattling the boxes. Anyway, I was young, but I was pretty into it. I liked it a lot, and couldn't wait for New Moon to come out. I am also protective, as most people know, and enjoyed the fact that the book felt like it was mine, in a way. I only had one friend who read it, because of my suggestion, and no one else cared. We read New Moon in 8th grade, two years ago, and I remember her leaning over every day during Spanish class and whispering, "Did Bella jump off the cliff yet?" The two of us had a strange relationship with the series. We loved it to the point where mocking it didn't necessarily mean we hated it. It was sort of like teasing a close friend. It didn't mean anything harmful. With Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, the series exploded, without warning, and I was bitter as all hell. Breaking Dawn not included (didn't even finish it, the book was so horrible), I still loved the series, I just wasn't goddamn insane. I would never admit how much I enjoyed it in public.
I was bitter about the idea of a movie too. My friend and I suggested standing in the middle of a road in Hollywood, just to protest against this movie. I went into it expecting it to be horrible. I was sick of all the goddamn girls in Twilight or Edward shirts, sick of all the media around the entire project.
In some ways, I was proved wrong. All of the characters fit. They really did. All of them. Everyone looked how they were supposed to look and the atmosphere was perfect. It was generally dark, which was expected, but the Cullens house was the perfect balance. Everything just fit like that. It was sharp. Even the graduation caps lined on the wall was a nice touch. Visually, the movie was exactly what I wanted. Everything else...not so much. Most of the acting was extremely flat, aside from, say, Emmett or Alice. Edward and Bella kept the same tone of voice and expression throughout the whole movie, and I swear to God, if Edward's eyes widened any more, or Bella's face twitched more when she talked, I was going to wet my pants laughing. It was a genuinely funny movie, but it had little substance. The jokes were great the first time around, but it's not going to be the kind of movie I'll watch over and over. It will get old easily. There were parts that weren't funny, but I laughed anyway. I couldn't help it.
Some of the most significant parts were overdramatic, even the first two minutes. I loved the movie opening with the deer, with it being such an important symbol. Although I don't know if anyone else picked up on this, I figured the deer was a symbol of Bella and her innocence. Deer are always considered innocent animals, as if accidentally hitting a deer with your car is ten times worse than hitting another animal. I liked how right before the story started, the deer was taken away by someone who looked a lot like Edward. I might be wrong about that, but it relates to how everyone thought Edward was going to hurt Bella, and kill her or get her killed. Like how in that first minute of the movie, when the deer took off running, I was sure it was going to be killed. But it wasn't, it was just taken away. By keeping Bella human, Edward was attempting to preserve this innocence and purity she had. That first two minutes was so important, but it was overdone. It looked overdramatic, such as the part when the Cullens first appear. We don't need slow motion to see them clearly. The "suspenseful" moments were too much.
However, the last scene, the scene we're they're dancing outside at the prom, that part really moved me. The feeling I was hoping to get throughout the whole movie came in those last five minutes. It wasn't boring, but it wasn't overdone. It ended on a really great note, setting the stage for New Moon without getting too far into it.
With the characters and setting being amazing but everything else being almost weak, I'd say the movie was alright. Decent, and quite entertaining, depending on your mood. It will never be amazing and timeless, like Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean it's horrible.
I was bitter about the idea of a movie too. My friend and I suggested standing in the middle of a road in Hollywood, just to protest against this movie. I went into it expecting it to be horrible. I was sick of all the goddamn girls in Twilight or Edward shirts, sick of all the media around the entire project.
In some ways, I was proved wrong. All of the characters fit. They really did. All of them. Everyone looked how they were supposed to look and the atmosphere was perfect. It was generally dark, which was expected, but the Cullens house was the perfect balance. Everything just fit like that. It was sharp. Even the graduation caps lined on the wall was a nice touch. Visually, the movie was exactly what I wanted. Everything else...not so much. Most of the acting was extremely flat, aside from, say, Emmett or Alice. Edward and Bella kept the same tone of voice and expression throughout the whole movie, and I swear to God, if Edward's eyes widened any more, or Bella's face twitched more when she talked, I was going to wet my pants laughing. It was a genuinely funny movie, but it had little substance. The jokes were great the first time around, but it's not going to be the kind of movie I'll watch over and over. It will get old easily. There were parts that weren't funny, but I laughed anyway. I couldn't help it.
Some of the most significant parts were overdramatic, even the first two minutes. I loved the movie opening with the deer, with it being such an important symbol. Although I don't know if anyone else picked up on this, I figured the deer was a symbol of Bella and her innocence. Deer are always considered innocent animals, as if accidentally hitting a deer with your car is ten times worse than hitting another animal. I liked how right before the story started, the deer was taken away by someone who looked a lot like Edward. I might be wrong about that, but it relates to how everyone thought Edward was going to hurt Bella, and kill her or get her killed. Like how in that first minute of the movie, when the deer took off running, I was sure it was going to be killed. But it wasn't, it was just taken away. By keeping Bella human, Edward was attempting to preserve this innocence and purity she had. That first two minutes was so important, but it was overdone. It looked overdramatic, such as the part when the Cullens first appear. We don't need slow motion to see them clearly. The "suspenseful" moments were too much.
However, the last scene, the scene we're they're dancing outside at the prom, that part really moved me. The feeling I was hoping to get throughout the whole movie came in those last five minutes. It wasn't boring, but it wasn't overdone. It ended on a really great note, setting the stage for New Moon without getting too far into it.
With the characters and setting being amazing but everything else being almost weak, I'd say the movie was alright. Decent, and quite entertaining, depending on your mood. It will never be amazing and timeless, like Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean it's horrible.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Quick Stop
This one is going to be short and fast, since I have so much time. It's kind of weird because usually I write long blogs when I have too much to do and I'm trying to procrastinate. Tonight I don't have a lot of homework. I'm done, in fact, and I didn't start till 5. So I'm going to go read and hopefully not fall asleep by accident.
I just stopped quickly to commit to paper this thought that's been running through my mind the past few days or so:
I feel like, as we grow older, (my friends, the people I go to school with, etc.) I feel like everyone's beginning to pair off, and I won't find a partner. It's happening, slowly, but it's happening.
Maybe I don't need a goddamn partner.
Maybe it's too early to worry about this.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
First Time
I'm at school, and on one of the laptops in my Journalism class. The journalism I and II kids are all meshed into one class, but my class only has five kids anyway. We had eight to start, but three of them dropped, one being one of my close friends. But I'm not bitter about that anymore. Bottom line is, we have five kids in the class. There's two more today, cos the school paper is coming out soon, meaning the editors are rushing to get their sections and pages done. My teacher is showing the journalism I kids how to use In Design and lay out pages. I mean, they're not kids. Two of them are seniors, but I call everyone a kid. I don't mean to. Gosh, I keep getting off track.
Anyway, this is my first time ever going on Facebook and whatnot at school. I'd never done it before, honest to God. But I finished all my work for this class, I already laid out my page and fixed one of the other pages in the section, and I did all my homework. So far, I have no homework tonight except take some more pictures to be safe, and possibly edit my CAPT practice essay for insights. It's not due until December, but mine is already finished and typed up. My friend is editing it next period, in insights class. So now I have nothing to do. Nothing. It feels pretty good, but I feel bad sitting here behind my teacher's back, doing exactly what is not allowed in school. I feel somewhere between bad and badass. I doubt my teacher would even mind if he saw me. He may right now. He's five feet to my right. But he doesn't really care. I'm a good student, so a day or two off isn't going to kill me. I'm not interrupting him.
I'm thinking I might watch a movie tonight, to relax, because I have time on my hands, and that feels good, for sure. But there's other stuff I should be doing. I want to finish my book, possibly start another one, maybe write some more, and I should walk too. I haven't walked in a long time. I used to walk a mile and a half every day, almost compulsively, but it's been so damn cold lately. I complain during the summer and say I'd rather have it be cold outside, but if you want to know the truth, I hate cold weather too. I'd rather have it be cold than hot. That much is true, but still, that doesn't mean I don't hate cold weather. I went up my grandparents' house for a few days to walk on the treadmill, but I stopped. No particular reason, I just did.
So I don't know what I'm going to do with myself tonight. I guess I'll figure that out tonight.
This blog has turned into a useless ramble.
To continue the rambling, I have an organizational meeting for indoor track afterschool today.
I fucking hate indoor track.
You don't even know.
I don't know if I've ever hated anything like I hate indoor track. My dad bothered me to no end last year, to get me to join, and I did, just to shut him up. I told him I would join and keep a goddamn open mind about it, alright? Are you happy now?
Well I joined, and I stuck to it, all the way through. I even went to all the meets and barely missed a practice unless I had to. I didn't even cut corners during practice, like my friends did.
But I still hated it.
And my dad still wants me to do it. My damn weight isn't an issue. That was his excuse, that I needed indoor track to keep my weight in check, but over the summer, I didn't do any sports. Not even softball. And you know, mister, I lost nine pounds. On my own, just to shove it in his overweight face.
But I still have to do indoor track.
This year, there are tryouts, which never happened before. Before it was just, hey, you want to join, come on, join. No tryouts, no running test, and all. This year apparently there are try outs. I don't exactly know how to feel about that. I'm happy because I highly doubt I will make the team. I'm not a horrible runner or anything, but when I do run, I might as well have, "I HATE THIS" written across my forehead. I mean it. I look miserable. Maybe they'll put me out of my misery and not put me on the team.
My dad might hate me forever, but that's alright.
When my mom told me there were tryouts this year, she said it's alright if I don't make it. I have a feeling she's as far on my side as she'll ever be.
Bell's going to ring soon, so I'm out. This ramble prevented me from getting to JM.org, but whatever. As I said, I have time tonight. Hopefully I won't accidentally fall asleep for two hours again.
I'll post the rest of my favorite photos here later. And my last video is going up on Facebook tonight.
Just so you know.
Anyway, this is my first time ever going on Facebook and whatnot at school. I'd never done it before, honest to God. But I finished all my work for this class, I already laid out my page and fixed one of the other pages in the section, and I did all my homework. So far, I have no homework tonight except take some more pictures to be safe, and possibly edit my CAPT practice essay for insights. It's not due until December, but mine is already finished and typed up. My friend is editing it next period, in insights class. So now I have nothing to do. Nothing. It feels pretty good, but I feel bad sitting here behind my teacher's back, doing exactly what is not allowed in school. I feel somewhere between bad and badass. I doubt my teacher would even mind if he saw me. He may right now. He's five feet to my right. But he doesn't really care. I'm a good student, so a day or two off isn't going to kill me. I'm not interrupting him.
I'm thinking I might watch a movie tonight, to relax, because I have time on my hands, and that feels good, for sure. But there's other stuff I should be doing. I want to finish my book, possibly start another one, maybe write some more, and I should walk too. I haven't walked in a long time. I used to walk a mile and a half every day, almost compulsively, but it's been so damn cold lately. I complain during the summer and say I'd rather have it be cold outside, but if you want to know the truth, I hate cold weather too. I'd rather have it be cold than hot. That much is true, but still, that doesn't mean I don't hate cold weather. I went up my grandparents' house for a few days to walk on the treadmill, but I stopped. No particular reason, I just did.
So I don't know what I'm going to do with myself tonight. I guess I'll figure that out tonight.
This blog has turned into a useless ramble.
To continue the rambling, I have an organizational meeting for indoor track afterschool today.
I fucking hate indoor track.
You don't even know.
I don't know if I've ever hated anything like I hate indoor track. My dad bothered me to no end last year, to get me to join, and I did, just to shut him up. I told him I would join and keep a goddamn open mind about it, alright? Are you happy now?
Well I joined, and I stuck to it, all the way through. I even went to all the meets and barely missed a practice unless I had to. I didn't even cut corners during practice, like my friends did.
But I still hated it.
And my dad still wants me to do it. My damn weight isn't an issue. That was his excuse, that I needed indoor track to keep my weight in check, but over the summer, I didn't do any sports. Not even softball. And you know, mister, I lost nine pounds. On my own, just to shove it in his overweight face.
But I still have to do indoor track.
This year, there are tryouts, which never happened before. Before it was just, hey, you want to join, come on, join. No tryouts, no running test, and all. This year apparently there are try outs. I don't exactly know how to feel about that. I'm happy because I highly doubt I will make the team. I'm not a horrible runner or anything, but when I do run, I might as well have, "I HATE THIS" written across my forehead. I mean it. I look miserable. Maybe they'll put me out of my misery and not put me on the team.
My dad might hate me forever, but that's alright.
When my mom told me there were tryouts this year, she said it's alright if I don't make it. I have a feeling she's as far on my side as she'll ever be.
Bell's going to ring soon, so I'm out. This ramble prevented me from getting to JM.org, but whatever. As I said, I have time tonight. Hopefully I won't accidentally fall asleep for two hours again.
I'll post the rest of my favorite photos here later. And my last video is going up on Facebook tonight.
Just so you know.
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