Drawing A Blank

I really don't know what to write about, but I feel like I need to write. Usually I come here, start typing, and I wind up writing a lot, but it's not working for me since my last post. I think it's because I have/had five days off from school, so I basically shut down and stopped doing anything except reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Oh, and celebrating Thanksgiving. But on Thanksgiving, all I did was read anyway. I finished The Truth About Forever and started This Lullaby. My family is extremely loud in general, and when they're all talking at the same time, it gets almost unbearable, but somehow I was able to focus.
So I guess this blog is just about what's been going on in the past few days. Aside from Thanksgiving, I had a sort of blowout with a close friend. At the beginning of this week, she found out that this guy named Alan likes her, and she doesn't like him back. First of all, she's supposed to like this guy named Ryan, or so she tells me. The reason she broke up with her boyfriend is because she said she "used him to get over Ryan, and I don't love Ryan, but still, it's not fair." So she is all squirmish around Alan. Then, the next day, she is talking to my sister online and telling her how she is upset because apparently she liked Alan for weeks now but when she confronted him about it, he said he didn't like her as anything more than a friend. Hmm, so we're close friends? Thanks for not telling me that, honey. I'm tired of the "I thought you would get mad" excuse, because when you get right down to it, the two of us have no real friendship, I have some issue with myself, where I can't tell her anything I'm feeling or thinking, and obviously she can't tell me anything either. All we talk about is Tyler or Jack's Mannequin, because we have nothing else to talk about. Or she'll tell me some stupid marching band story and I'll tell her some random story and neither of us are really listening, but we just keep talking and going on like this. Ever since we went from casual school friends to close, almost best friends, we've had conflicts. A lot of them. Every few months it happens. And it's usually over something dumb and we stop talking and spending time together. Eventually everything heals up, but we never solve the problem, we put it behind us, which unfortunately means it's not really solved. I'm done with her. I really am. I told her that, and while she's across the goddamn country in California, she texts my sister asking if I'm still mad at her. Okay, so that's considerate, I guess. She's across the country and she's thinking about me. But then when my sister explains what's going on, and how I don't want to deal with her anymore, she says, "Well we'll just talk when I get back."
...
The point of this was so that I don't have to talk to you when you get back. Do you know why? Because then we'll forget about it, and the cycle will start over again. She kept saying how she wasn't going to let this go, like I don't have the ability to cut something off on my own and make a decision. She keeps saying how it's ridiculous I hate her all of a sudden (which I don't, but I did spring this on her). I explained to her how I felt about the situation and she keeps clinging. Then she says, "I'm not letting her ruin my trip."
...You're the one who texted my sister.
"Tell Laura I laughed and said goodbye."
Oh, so now this is a joke to you? Five minutes ago you were freaking out. Good one.

SO in other news, I saw Twilight again with my mother because she wanted to see it. Before the movie started I told her this book is the reason I am so screwed up with boys. Ever since reading it years ago, at a very young age, all the boys seemed immature and incompetent. No one was my Edward Cullen. I mean, sure, there were attractive guys, but they were nothing special. They were too goofy and didn't care enough. I could never find someone I could really love, and when I did, it turned out badly. (Side note: I almost thought I left Tyler behind and then a picture of him comes up on my Facebook home page today and all my barriers fell. So much for that.)
So now my mother understands my problem, but I'm going to continue having problems if I'm only accepting my Edward Cullen. I'll have to lower my standards and settle for less, apparently.
As if God wanted to prove my point about guys my age (I decided to use those two words because, Arthur, if you're reading this, you are completely excluded. None of this is towards you. You're not one of these kinds of guys cos, well, you're just too great.) behind immature and aggravating, five minutes before the movie starts, this group of people comes in. It looked like a mother and her daughter and son, but the son didn't want to be dragged to this movie alone, so he brought, oh say, four friends. The whole goddamn theater is empty and they decide to sit next to me. Great. They mocked it before the movie, saying in girlish voices, "Ohmygawd guys, I've been waiting to see Edward's sexy body for sooo longgg nowww...I can't believe it's finally here." Really. shut the fuck up, boys. You're only making me lose more faith in you. They continued throughout the whole movie, and not to mention this guy next to me, his goddamn elbow was in my personal bubble. I was ready to smack someone.
BUT about the movie, I liked it more the second time. I was able to take it more seriously, although the awkward and funny-when-they're-not-supposed-to-be parts were still sort of visible. I think they always will be, I'll just be able to look beyond that and recognize that it's not a horrible film at all.
It's honestly almost depressing. Just like the book, the movie made me want my Edward Cullen. I loved that he wasn't there just to see how far he could go with Bella and all, I loved that he was so devoted to her. I loved that they could just talk about each other, find out more about each other, and it was alright. You don't always have to be doing something exciting with someone to enjoy their company. It makes me depressed because sometimes I doubt there's anyone out there like that. For me, at least.
The music in the movie is pretty great too. I put the soundtrack on my Christmas list and listened to most of the songs on YouTube. "Eyes On Fire" by The Blue Foundation and "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine really got to me. The Iron & Wine song made me cry. Just the way the lyric, "Have I found you?" sounds, I could die of sorrow when I hear it. I like the Paramore songs a lot too, which is a pleasant surprise, considering I'm not a major fan of them anymore. It seems like the whole album has so much emotion.

And before I post this, heeeere is a shout out to Amber, who I had a pleasant two and a half hour phone conversation with tonight. I really do wish you lived closer. It's really sad. Then we could have freaked out over Emmett Cullen creepin' on us together. :)

I guess this post wasn't such a blank after all.