I Feel Guilty, But Not Really

I don't know where everything stands right now. Today was a pretty bad day, and despite all the ranting and raving I did this morning, I went to track practice.  I found out this year there are going to be try outs because of budget cuts. (Get a load of this: we're wasting a ridiculous amount of money ti build a pool at my high school...when there's a pool at the middle school...that is located NEXT DOOR. Really, if these swimmers are athletic, they should be able to walk a few hundred feet.) So now there are legitimate try outs, not like last year, where you just showed up if you wanted to participate. They're timing the sprinters on the 100, 200, and 400. First of all, I am not a great runner. At all. Not only does my lack of height put me at a disadvantage (since when were all the female runners tall?!), but I have really bad breathing. I can handle the pain in my legs, but I always end up half suffocating myself to death. I am not doing these try outs. Last year I almost passed out while running the 300 and do not plan on trying it again. Plus, I have guitar lessons on Saturday so I wouldn't be able to make the meets. I don't mind just going to practice, but because of these cuts, they're not accepting that. 

My mother is frustrated with work and all the home renovations ("THAT LIGHT IS FLORESCENT, I DON'T WANT A FLORESCENT LIGHT, I SAID NO FLORESCENTS!") that she doesn't even want to deal with it anymore. She won't discuss it and when I talked to my dad, we gave both our sides of the situations. He wants me to try out anyway, but that's like telling someone scared of heights to go climb Mt. Everest. I will freak out if I have to run a 400. I told him the decision was ultimately mine, and it's not going to kill me if I don't do indoor track. It really isn't. I know I won't gain any weight because I can keep it steady, and even lose weight, as I proved over the summer.

My point of this blog was that I didn't REALLY go to practice. After warm ups, my friends and I went to "get our jackets" and didn't come back. No one cared anyway. We got changed and waited till after 4 to call my mother, and worked on our homework. I feel guilty about it, sort of, and I felt kind of guilty doing it, but it was liberating at the same time. It was finally me saying, you're not going to tell me what I need do anymore. All of my friends decided not to do it, and I'm sure they won't get any complaints from their parents. This is what I get from having an overprotective parental unit.

So I don't know if the shit is going to hit the fan if I come home on the bus tomorrow. I don't know if the subject will just be dropped and nothing will be said. 

I don't know, but I do know I need to do my homework now.