It's Been a While...

I don't know why I haven't been writing lately. It's strange. There were definitely times that I opened the page for a new post and stared blankly at the screen, unsure of what to write. I'm still feeling the same now but I'll just wing it anyway. I haven't had any dreams to write about and...my life hasn't changed much. It never really does, unfortunately. I wish it did.
There's only one month left of school but I feel like it's going to pass achingly slow. I also feel like, once it's over, I'll look back on sophomore year and remember it in a good light. But...maybe I'm being uncharacteristically optimistic.
Shit, I don't have anything else to say. Well, I do have one thing that I have only confessed to one person, and now I canot bring myself to say it again. I know I should tell my best friends, but something is stopping me. Every time I open my mouth the words running through my mind sound ridiculous and I clamp my mouth shut again. Maybe this is the kind of closure I need, a confession that hardly anyone is going to read and solely for the purpose of admitting it to myself. I think I need to face this (possible) fact head on before I toss the knowledge onto anyone else.
Anyway, here it is: I don't know how to word this because I'm confused about it...all I know is that I'm definitely attracted to and intrigued by a new guy. My friend created an inbox to plan a meeting afterschool and one of the guys in the inbox is going to be her DJ. I had absolutely no idea who he was, so I clicked to see his profile and I was just...intrigued by him. There's no other accurate way of wording it. I still have not said like, a single word to him because I am never the one to break the ice...but he friend requested me on Facebook. I thought maybe he friend requested everyone in that inbox just for the hell of it but when I checked other peoples' profiles...I saw that he didn't. He just requested me. Does that mean absolutely nothing or maybe a little something? I don't know what to believe. I can't even believe myself anymore (not that I had in the first place). The only thing I know for sure is that it's been almost three years since I've attempted to make an impression on a guy besides Tyler.
Wow.
I don't know what to do because as much and I have wallowed in the sorrows of being single...I'm terrified to be in a relationship.
I'm going to stop talking now because I'm getting way ahead of myself. No way am I going to set myself up for failure again.
I'm starting to think it would be best if I just isolated myself from the male population. I never know when I'm going to turn around and BAM! find a guy I can't stop thinking about for the next three days.
This whole situation is very unsettling, but I'm putting it out of my mind as of now. I'm going to sleep even though I did not accomplish as much as I wanted to.
Signing out with some lyrics from the new Green Day album, 21st Century Breakdown, which is fantastic by the way. I haven't been in the best of moods lately so maybe that explains why I'm attracted to these raging lyrics.

From "Before the Lobotomy"

Well I'm not stoned

I'm just fucked up

I got so high I can't stand up

I'm not cursed 'cause I've been blessed

I'm not in love 'cause I'm a mess.

From "Horseshoes and Handgrenades"

I'm gonna burn it all down

I'm gonna rip it out

Well, everything that you employ

Was meant for me to destroy

To the ground now

So don't you fuck me around

Because I'll shoot you down

I'm gonna drink, fight, and fuck

And pushing my luck

All the time now.