Not a Joke

There needs to be more bands like these. Or I need to buy more of their music. Because right now, I can't get enough of them and I don't want to listen to anything else.

And to think I couldn't Death Cab when I was 12...

Speaking Up - What?!

Today, although stressful, was a good day. I had a vocab quiz first period, which was strange because our quizzes are usually every Friday...but there was a complication (actually it was more like a simplification) and it was pushed to Monday. I realized as I was finishing the quiz that I was supposed to ask my english teacher about passive voice for my spanish teacher. Even though my english teacher is a frail pushover, I become nervous talking to anyone unfamilar, big or small, male or female. I could feel my heart rate increasing at the mere idea of opening my mouth...but while she was collecting the quizzes, I asked her. She seemed pleasantly surprised that I was talking...and when I raised my hand twice during class (because I happen to like Lord of the Flies), she was beaming, She even asked me to elaborate on my ideas and questioned me further; I think she was somewhat in shock.
I answered a bunch of questions in spanish & algebra class too. Most of the time I know the answer in algebra, although it's a junior class, I just...don't want to talk. I don't know what made me raise my hand like I did today. Maybe I was subconsciously preparing for the presentation I had to give in insights. The thought of talking for for ten minutes in front of more than 20 people had plagued me all weekend. I had bizarre dreams about it and made myself sick with worry. It wasn't that I thought my project was bad; on the contrary, I was proud of it. But that didn't mean I wanted to announce it to everyone. I had to, though, if I wanted to pass, which I did...the situation was inexorable. But...I did...fine? Wow. I mean, I did pretty good. I did really good. I was nervous and shaking, but I got my ideas across coherently aside from the stutters. I think Blanc has a soft spot in his heart for quiet people, considering he was once one himself. He seems like he doesn't have any soft spots at all, but he's admitted to it before. As much as I hate the fact that his class is one big popularity contest, I appreciate that he seemed to understand even if he didn't say anything specifically to me. The message sort of emanated from him.
People were telling me afterwards that I did really well and I didn't seem as nervous as they all knew I was.
Gosh I hope so.

"Low budget film!" - Part 2

So tonight was one of the best times I've ever spent with my friends. Usually it's a few of us but tonight it was seven people, including me. I was worried it was going to be awkward because of Kinnari and Bailey, but it wasn't. I don't know whether I should thank Kinnari or Bailey, but I'll most likely just talk to Kinnari about it because I don't know if Bailey even knows about Kinnari's personality issue with her. I can't remember them having a major fight. But I don't want to focus on that right now. I don't feel like talking about friend problems. Tonight there weren't any. We watched Twilight again and couldn't keep quiet for more than two minutes. Normally I would jot down the funniest things that happened, but there were so many I can't keep them straight...everything, for once, was right. Despite our constant giggling fits, we touched upon a few deeper topics...like whether or not Edward and Bella's relationship is based on love or not. We came to the quick consensus that Edward must love Bella simply because he had seen so many women before her who were more beautiful, but he picked her. And to go from wanting to violently murder her to being willing to give up everything for her...well, it says something. But Bella is more infatuated with Edward than she is in love. I'm also a complete hypocrite considering I talk about how pathetic Bella is, but if I had someone like Edward, I'd be like that too, minus the practically being a sex addict part. And by "someone like Edward" I don't mean a perfect vampire or something unrealistic like that - I mean that if there was someone who had that kind of dedication and commitment, someone who saw something in me that transcended everybody else despite my flaws, someone who was my other half, my solid rock, someone I knew I could trust with anything and vice versa....then I would be just as bad as Bella. 

After all, even though I don't admit this out loud to anyone, that's all I really want. 

Professional Letter

Because of all the ocnfusion surrounding my the Fray/Jack's ticket, I decided to send an email to LiveNation (since they don't provide a phone number on their website; I guess they don't want angry people like me ringin' them up). I think it sounds very professional, especially for a 15 year old. Oh and I had to write that my name is Lauren because when I was ordering my ticket and they asked for a first name, they said Laura was not an appropriate first name.
...okay.
Here's the email:
Dear LiveNation,
On March 7th, I bought a general admission ticket to see the Fray and Jack's Mannequin at the Meadows Music Center in CT on June 20. My name is Lauren Costello and my order number is [this is where I inserted the number but I'm not inserting it in my blog, haha]. Since then, the show has been moved the Chevrolet Theatre. Two people I know who bought seat tickets received emails that their tickets were no longer valid and the transactions on their credit cards were being stopped. I did not and still have not received any email saying that my ticket is no longer valid, and I have received no email saying I could use my ticket for the show at the Chevrolet Theatre. I checked Jack's Mannequin's website and there was a message from someone who works with the band saying that all people attending the show should hold on to their tickets, but today there was a presale on LiveNation for the show. I can understand people who have seats having to purchase new tickets because the seating arrangement of the Chevrolet does not coincide with the Meadows, but there were no specifications as to whether or not people with general admission tickets would have to re-purchase. Because I received no message about my ticket being invalid, I could not buy one from the new pre-sale. I would be very upset if I have to re-purchase my ticket and settle for a seat because I was not contacted properly and in a timely manner. I had made sure I got my ticket as soon as the pre-sale began because I wanted general admission. To undergo all this hassle only to be stuck in a seat seems unreasonable. My email address is wishwashedawayx3@aol.com. Thank you for taking the time to resolve this matter.
Sincerely, Lauren Costello

Plans!

I am happy right now. It is an amazing feeling and I hope it doesn't go away. I don't know if anything really improved or if the relentless sunshine is making me see things in a new perspective but it doesn't matter.
Anywayyy, as I rambled about in my last entry, I was busy all weekend, going in and out of the house for three days straight. I was hoping things wouldn't quiet down because as relaxing as time spent alone can be, being with amazazing people and having a good time beats that by a mile. Thankfully they didn't. These are my tentative plans:
- On Saturday night, Kinnari, Em, Sophie, Megan, Bailey, and Raksha are coming over my house. We're going to watch Twilight because Bailey wants to watch it again and Raksha hasn't seen it at all. Em wants to see what's on the third disc I have and she's horribly jealous that my DVD case sparkles like Edward. Damn straight. (Although I told her she should just go back to Stop & ShopPart, throw the DVD on the customer service desk, and say, "This DVD is defective...IT DOESN'T SPARKLE!" I think that's a solid enough reason for a refund.) Bailey even has Sparkle Like Edward powder and stuff that her mom bought for her as a joke. We're going to take some ridiculous pictures. The only thing concerning me is possible tension between Kinnari and Bailey. They never had a major fight or a falling out, but their personalities clashed and Kinnari is easily aggravated by some of the things she does. I told her flat out that Bailey was coming because I didn't want her to show up at my house and A) get mad at me for not telling her and/or B) feel awkward and want to leave. She said she was alright with it though. Besides, it's not like it's just the three of us.
- My mom is all gung-ho about having another reunion with my friends from elementary school, except this time it's going to be at our house. I was supposed to talk to Liz on the bus today but I figured I should get an idea of who to invite and send out a message on Facebook...Liz doesn't have a Facebook so I'm going to wait and see if everyone agrees and it's official before I tell her. This whole idea stemmed from a conversation Katie and I had during gym last week. I don't usually talk to her because she hangs on the arms of two other girls I'd rather not step in the pathway of, but she decided to come over to our side of the gym that day. She said it was because she didn't want to play soccer-volleyball but a minute after joining us, she turned to me and asked, "What do you think of Mackenzie and Zoe? I won't tell them anything, honestly, it's just that...I can't stand being around them anymore and I want to know if it's just me." I told her the truth: that neither have done anything harmful to me personally, but Mackenzie's personality is dry and Zoe can be overbearing, to say the least. They're far from being horrible people...but I could never be their best friends. Usually I would have been wary about saying that, but I've known Katie since fourth grade and while I can tell white lies to strangers...I can't do it to friends. She didn't get mad at all when I said that; in fact she was nodding away like this all made sense to her. She told me she couldn't deal with the two of them any longer. What struck me the most was when she said, "I pretty much hate everyone I'm friends with now." A piece of me wanted to think, Well no wonder, that's usually what happens when you run away from the people who know you best at the time you need them the most. But she was on the verge of tears, I could tell, and my bitter thoughts disappeared.
I don't know why people come to me with their heartfelt confessions (it's happened with random people before, honestly), but it made me want to do something for her. So that's where this reunion idea came from.

Oh and random exciting news: I'm OFFICIALLY OFFICIALLY going to Italy next year with Marisaaaaaaaaaaa. I have to miss seven days of school which will be stressful and may cause my teachers to dislike me, but hey, I have an entire April break right after that to make up my work. And I'm a responsible kid.
I can't wait to get out of this country,

"It's a low budget film!"

This is probably going to be the happiest and most cheerful entry I've ever posted. For real. This is happier than that time I found out about the Mae concert or wrote about the Jack's one, because that was more like excitement in the form of pre and post concert highs. Right now I'm truly happy, completely content with most everyone in my life and grateful for the three day weekend. On Friday night, I went out to Starbucks which was really convenient considering if I wasn't invited anywhere, I would have to go to my sister's softball game or stay home alone. Either way I would have felt somewhat pathetic, stuck with my family or home by myself on a Friday night when most teenagers are out of the house. So thank God I was invited somewhere. Kinnari was the one who came up with the idea and sent out the invites on Facebook. She invited nine people not including herself but three of them couldn't make it; it ended up being me, her, Em, Meg, Sophie, Ellary, and Brian. We took up a good section of the cafe and bombared everyone's quiet evening with our loud talking and giggling. At first we all talked but by 7 PM or 7:30, there were separate conversations going on. Kinnari, Megan, and Sophie were having a camera fight and I don't remember what Brian and Em were doing because Ellary and I got to talking and we just couldn't stop. We talked and talked for over an hour and I can't even tell you what we talked about because we jumped from topic to topic every minute or every fifteen or whenever the hell we felt like changing topics. I thought two hours at Starbucks was going to drag on forever, but the time flew by. I didn't want to leave because as inviting as an empty house was, I wanted to be with them more than I wanted to be alone. I haven't felt like that in a long time.
Kinnari gave me a ride home and I was planning on watching Milk, but I saw that Let the Right One In was available on Charter, so I rented that instead. I'm sure Milk is better but I wanted to see Let the Right One In simply because I read the book and as much as I hate it at times, I'm a critic. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. The movie followed the book generally speaking, but it left out details that would have been confusing or unclear if I hadn't read the book beforehand. The book was gruesome and intense throughout the second half, but the movie completely lacked intensity until the last minute or so. Anyway...I honestly don't feel like talking about that movie right now. Maybe later. I want to talk about Saturday. The first half of Saturday went as usual, but after guitar I went to Stop & Shop to meet up with Emily and Sophie. I didn't need any community service hours but I know that if I was in her position, I wouldn't want to stand outside a food store and hand out flyers all day by myself. I would want people with me. So I went with her. I didn't want to go at all, really, but I only had to stay for an hour but it was, as so many recent events have been, better than I expected. Normally I choke on my words around unfamiliar people, even if I'm doing something as impersonal as handing out a flyer, but I got over that fear quicker than I thought. Sure it was monotonous, but it was also amusing. Someone should have brought a camera so we could film the odd reactions people had. Some people take the flyer and nod with their mouth hanging open stupidly, others mumble incoherently, and there are a few that flat out say no or do the whole "talk to the hand" diss. The best part was when Em's older sister asked a middle-aged woman if she wanted to donate to the Trumbull Food Pantry and she said, "No, Obama's going to take care of it!"
What's scary is that I don't know if she was serious or not. But we laughed all the same.
I ran to the library and then went to church as usual. I figured I could rent Milk that night since I had nothing else to do, but I came home from church to find a message from Em on the machine. I called her back and she invited me to Sophie's house to watch and mock Twilight. Even though I don't know Sophie that well and haven't been to her house more than once or twice, I agreed. I don't know what's coming over me that is making me more open to situations that would normally cause me to cringe in discomfort, but whatever it is I hope it doesn't go away. Anyway, I went to Sophie's around 7 PM, 20 minutes after Emily and Megan were supposed to show up. Neither of them were there so it was just Sophie and I. I thought it was going to be awkward, but as soon as I walked in the house Sophie turned to me and said, "I'm watching the Black Entertainment Channel!" The ice was officially broken. Maybe our personalities are too conflicting for us to be close friends, but at least we can be comfortable friends. I would be content with just that.
Em and Megan arrived a few minutes after me and even though it was pretty dark outside, we went in the backyard to play badminton. I couldn't say why because I don't really know. Em decided she wanted to play badminton so we went outside. That's one of best parts about hanging with them: they're so spontaneous. They do whatever they feel like and it's no big deal if five minutes later they don't want to do it anymore. They'll find something else to occupy themselves with. Everything is no big deal and sometimes that's exactly what I need.
Badminton ended once it got too dark to see anything and the Clipper, a huge golden retriever, chewed through two birdies. We went down to the basement and played a few rounds of air hockey. We all freaked out a little when someone tapped on the window, but it ended up being Kinnari trying to get into the house. None of us were answering calls because our cells were upstairs and we were deaf to the doorbell and any knocking on the front door. We kept alternating teams for air hockey while Emily sprawled on the floor across from Clipper. They were lying in the same position facing each other and I made a few comments about what a romantic moment this was and how "Edward and Bella" the two of them were. I didn't mean anything ominous by it, but all of a sudden Clipper got up and jumped on top of Emily. Everyone grew silent at this point and Clipper began humping Emily. There was another second or two of silence before Emily realized what was going on and started screaming. She jumped to her feet and kept screaming, running around in useless circles while I fell off the exercise ball laughing along with everyone else. We were all on the floor laughing, Megan started crying with laughter. For the next half hour, Em yelled about how she'd been raped and stepped nervously around Clipper whenever he came too close. I joked around that she should have heeded my warnings and Megan accused her of being a tease. Em proceeded to run into the bathroom yelling, "I was an accomplice to my own rape!"
After a bit we managed to calm down and turned on Twilight. We giggled at all the awkwardly funny moments and Kinnari excused every flaw by saying, "It's a low budget film!" She said it over and over until Sophie yelled, "If you say it's a low budget film one more time I'm going to throw something at your face!" That was when it turned into a joke to annoy Sophie; all of a sudden everything made it a low budget. Bella dropped her backpack on the floor instead of the chair but "no we can't reshoot...it's a blank-blank film!" Megan would say, "Woah, Bella's not wearing any pants," and I said, "That's cos they couldn't afford any." We collapsed into a fit of giggles as Kinnari choked out, "It's a...BLANK...BLANK...FILM!"
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Hell, I need to laugh like that more often.
I hope it wasn't a one time thing.

Almost Spring!

There's only a few more hours left of winter. I'm so excited. Even though the temperature won't change drastically overnight, it still makes me happy that it's going to officially be spring. Because spring means warm weather and warm weather means...almost SUMMER! I can't wait for summer to start and school to end, but in the back of my mind I'm aware of the whole 'you never want it until you can't have it' thing and I might miss my schedule once I'm handed a new one in late August. So I am trying to enjoy myself and appreciate sophomore year as best I can, but I can't help wanting it to be over with. Oh, well, I've made it through almost seven months of the school year. I'm confident I can handle the last three.