When I Said That I'd Return to You, I Meant More Like a Relapse

I have two small stories to share from today, but I am really lazy right now, so I'm just going to copy and paste from my conversation with Amber.
Mwahaha.

WishWashedAwayx3 (3:27:44 PM): 1. I was at my locker this morning, and that friend, Jessie, she has to walk by me to get to her locker. Usually she comes later than me but happened to cross paths today. I didn't even see her, honest to God, cos I had music on, but I heard something that sounded like someone running.
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:27:50 PM): She practically RAN past me.
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:28:12 PM): I almost laughed out loud.
xnoxrewindsx (3:28:19 PM): I would've
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:28:22 PM): Like really...come on.
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:28:28 PM): Have some backbone.
xnoxrewindsx (3:28:36 PM): and #2?
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:28:41 PM): yeah, 2.
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:28:42 PM): So
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:31:20 PM): you know how Tyler hasn't talked to me in a few months. And he stopped saying hello to me, so I stopped looking at him. Well today, I walked by him like I do every day. I always turn away, but for some reason he was all friendly today, and he put his hand on my shoulder as I walked by and he was like, "hey Laura!" Then after bio, I was walking down the stairs as he was coming up, which happens EVERY DAY. Nothing new, but he said, "hey Laura" again and smiled. Not like, I'm saying hello cos I feel obligated kind of way, like he's done before. It was a real smile. I mean he was just in a good mood, but still, I'm so dumb I had tears in my eyes after that.
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:31:23 PM): WOW NOVEL.
xnoxrewindsx (3:34:52 PM): aw
xnoxrewindsx (3:34:52 PM): I'm blogging right now, heads up
xnoxrewindsx (3:35:05 PM): welAre you looking at it as a good or bad thing?
WishWashedAwayx3 (3:36:21 PM): Bad because it's not helping me ignore him, good because I love the ridiculous feeling I get after he acknowledges me. Haha.
xnoxrewindsx (3:39:55 PM): well
xnoxrewindsx (3:40:01 PM): tough situation

So yeah, that's where I'm at right now.
I was doing so well at ignoring him. I didn't even have any spontaneous urges to IM him.
But now I do.
It's different though, somehow, because I want to talk to him to actually have a conversation, and even though I relapsed a whole lot today, I think I would have the ability to be friends with him and be alright with that. Not even care that we'll never be together like that. For real.
It's weird, but it's a good feeling.
Although I don't understand how I would explain that to him.
Because I'm proud of myself, and he has a right to know.