Ring Dance Rant

This is copied and pasted from the ranting thread...I don't feel like writing about this anymore.

Tonight was my high school's sophomore ring dance, and I was dragged into going by my friends. I wasn't upset, per say, that I didn't have a date, because a few of my friends didn't either. I just knew that it was going to be awkward during the slow songs, when everyone is in pairs...but I also knew I could cope with that.
So I'm sitting at a table with my friends and one says, "Oh god Laura, please don't turn around." Of course I turn around and the guy I've had strong feelings for since God fucking knows when is there with a girl from my grade. UM, HE'S A JUNIOR...I thought this was like the ONE school event where I didn't have to worry about him being there. I thought this was like a crazy nightmare and I was going to wake up... And of course the girl he's with is like this annoying as fuck girl who hasn't matured since FIFTH GRADE. I don't have like any self-confidence...but oh my GOD. JESUS. I know I'm better than her...I mean...that just made me feel like complete shit. Here he is (looking amazing....) going to the ring dance for the second time with a date, and here I am alone, on the verge of tears. It should have been a comfort that my friends were like, "If you need to cry I'll go in the bathroom with you"...but honestly it brought back the reality of the situation. Every time I forgot about him, he'd pop up again with that damn girl, holding her hand or dancing with her or something that made me want to fucking die of shame.

REALLY, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, NOR ANYONE, GRINDING ANYWHERE NEAR ME. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF ALL THOSE...OBSCENE GESTURES.

Later, I found out that he had asked out another sophomore (who I thought liked him but now I guess she doesn't?). She said no, so he went to the dance with this girl to spite the other one. I don't care how much I don't like the two girls...that's fucking cold. That's wrong. That's just...I mean...any guy that does that is...I can't even think of a strong enough adjective.
So basically the whole night I was fighting the urge to confront him and smack him across the face...although there's still part of me that would give an arm and a leg to be in his date's position. I hate the fact that after years, he still affects me like this and I'm so powerless against his mere presence. It's pathetic.
I came home and my mother wanted to "talk about it," which wasn't a good idea because the more I talked the closer I got to breaking down. So before I said too much, I went upstairs, turned "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" on repeat, and cried.Now I don't even know how I'm feeling. There is way too much going on in my head and I'm way too tired to cope with any of it. This rant is too long and probably doesn't make a lot of sense. I don't expect anyone to read it either...I just needed to get it out of my system.

EDIT: Oh and I'm completely embarassed that I came home and broke down. I honestly thought I had my emotions in check and it's still humiliating for me even if no one else was there to witness it.Now it's 1:20 in the morning and I don't know why I'm still awake.