Unreliability Ticks Me Off

It really really bothers me when people make plans and then break or change them at the last second. I cannot put all of the blame on Kinnari and them, because it was my choice to go to the movies when I had a strange feeling I should hang around in case someone calls for plans. But I obviously did not listen to my gut instinct and went to the movies anyway. Now, I had plans to go to the carnival with a group of people on Friday, but apparently Friday was a conflict for some people. So Kinnari, Em, Soph, and Meg decided to change the plans from Friday night to tonight...but of course, they decide that this evening...and call my house ten minutes after I've left. I didn't get back home until 8:30 PM and flipped a shit when I heard the message from them on my machine, not knowing who I should be more angry at: myself or them. I changed for the second time in a few minutes and rushed to Trumbull High. I thought we were staying until 10:30, but Kinnari said the wrong time and we were actually staying until 9:30...which meant I barely had an hour there. I was in a grouchy mood, to be honest, and as soon as I was starting to loosen up, I saw Tyler. 

I wish I would stop reacting the same frigging way every time I see him. This is how it goes:

- First, an unusually tall person catches my eyes and I make sure it's him.

- When my brain processes this fact, my feet stomp (if I am sitting) or my legs start shaking (if I am standing).

- I smack anything and anyone near me out of bizarre reflex.

- My heart starts pounding and I feel like I'm going into cardiac arrest.

- I repeat whatever comes to mind over and over until I calm down. It's usually something along the lines of "ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod" or "he's here he's here he's right fucking here." It can be a combination of the two or something different. Tonight it was me saying "fuck" for a solid minute straight. 

- I am able to think rationally long enough to realize that he might have seen my little fit of emotion, so I hang my head (usually to hide the fact that my cheeks are red) and turn away. This lasts for however long it takes to convince myself he's not looking.

- Now I can control myself, although if he comes too close I pull my shoulders inward or cross my arms tightly, as if his close proximity will cause me to shatter and spill across the ground if I don't hold myself together. 

ANYWAY. Oh my god. I need to stop ranting about him like this.

Anyway...umm...the point of this was that...I barely spent time there...but I wasn't TOO angry because I still had plans for Friday with other people. But then I come home and apparently those plans have been changed to Saturday. Saturday happens to be when I made plans to hang out with Bailey. The problem has been solved because I just switched nights with Bailey...but it's the incompetence and unreliability of people that drives me crazy.