Second Topic

This is the second topic that I was going to talk about last night but didn't. Not for the first time, I had worn myself out rambling unrelentlessly about Tyler. This is something different though. This is about my uncle, the one I avoided in his life and even ignored in his death, not going to his funeral or shedding a single tear. I know it's selfish but it's the truth. I thought about him the other day because I was telling my mom about how we spent a week talking about the assassination of JFK and how it's really interesting to hear about the crazy conspiracy theories and all. She told me that my uncle was really into his assassination and if only he was here again, we could talk about it. That would have been nice. I almost wish it made me sad though. Because it doesn't and I know it should. I know I should miss him a little bit but I don't know. Selfishly, I just want to have that conversation with him, and I was only a little pissed off for a minute after my mom told me that. It was like when you make a minor mistake and you're mad for a minute or so, but then the feeling fades as quickly as it came. Except this is someone's life we're talking about, not the fact that, oh darn we missed the turn and now we have to take the long way around. This is so serious and I don't find any sadness in it.
That in itself is kind of sad.